What is the secret of true love
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The secret to true love as opposed to sexual love is to under stand that it is unconditional, if you love some one or something you must love it warts and all, otherwise it’s conditional love. a dog can spend its life being mistreated and still welcome its master. That is true love.
The first secret to true love is knowing when you have found the love of your life, your other half, the one who is more important to you than even yourself, the one your entire being tells you is the one for you. That may happen one day when you look across a room and meet the eyes of her or him, your eyes lock and your heart jumps, and the eyes you are looking into tell you that the same is happening on the other side of that gaze. It could also happen when you are out with someone that you have dated casually for months, but never really felt much of anything for. Suddenly, one night, your heart could leap as your eyes meet or your lips touch. Knowing you have found true love might be just a quiet knowing that the person is the one for you. It happens differently for different people.
After meeting your true love, the secret to keeping the love alive is to unselfishly put the other person before yourself and communicate with that person in a positive and open manner. Many great relationships have lost their pizazz due to mistakes of one or both becoming selfish and not communicating with the other. Even those who have found their true loves have lost them because of the hurt and disappointment caused when the love of your life’s actions and words say “you don’t matter,” “I’m for me first,” and similar things.
While many people are perfectly happy living the single life, it’s not unusual to be envious of the happy couples in your circle of friends. Feel like you’ll never find true love? Maybe you just need to revamp your dating strategy. We spoke with psychiatrist Dr. Paul Dobransky, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, for his tips on how to find the perfect partner for you.
Dobransky recommends looking for partners with a personality that complements yours — your opposite — but stresses that you should still share similar dreams and goals. “We all need people who have similar beliefs, goals and values,” he says. After all, if he wants kids right away and you picture them in a hazy, faraway future, you’re going to have some instant fodder for arguments and unhappiness. “We can’t possibly commit to another person without joint goals,” says Dobransky.
Sex is a key component of a happy relationship, says Dobransky. Without mutual sexual attraction and — when the time comes — a healthy, happy sex life, a relationship is doomed to fail. But make sure not to confuse passion, love and commitment — they’re all separate things and should be cultivated individually. In the early stages of the relationship, Dobransky says, “women should hold out on giving sex for there to be more of a chance of commitment.” And men, he adds, “ought not to dive into commitment too easily if there isn’t a great sexual chemistry.”
Lust without friendship has its place, but a committed relationship isn’t it, says Dobransky. And friendship without sexual attraction is, well, “just friends.” You have to have both, says Dobransky, who recommends “screening” dates for their friendship potential by asking yourself, “Is he generally happy, not anxious? Is he my opposite in personality style?” Be honest in assessing his personality, and don’t be afraid to ask pointed questions. And if you like the answers, says Dobransky, and think the two of you could make a perfect team, then “it’s a natural next step to realize, hey, I could commit to this person.”
Not to be judgmental, but some men (and, to be fair, some women, too) just aren’t commitment material. They might be fun for flings, but if you’re looking for something serious, you need to leave the bad boys behind. That doesn’t mean settling for boring, but it does mean finding someone who’s mature enough to respect you and keep promises. Dobransky recommends engaging what he calls your “cool eye,” the ability to step back mentally and assess things objectively. Don’t let yourself get swept away — unless you can honestly say he fulfills all your needs.
It’s one thing to have realistic goals in finding a partner; it’s another to settle for a relationship that doesn’t truly make you happy. Yes, there will be up days and down days, but overall, you want to have positive feelings about your partnership. So check in with yourself periodically on how things are going, and don’t be afraid to move on and look for something better. Because in the end, says Dobransky, “relationships should benefit our lives, not be a second or third job.”
